Tuesday, 16 July 2024 — Today is a better day, at least it started off better. Tiolu slept better and for about two hours. I managed to spend some time with my older son, Tiola – we unboxed some gifts and painted. Taking advantage of Tiolu’s sleeping, I did some long-overdue chores and writing.
The day actually started no different from yesterday. I woke up with some body pain, and I don’t comprehend what could have led to that. Maybe it is because of this new role? Wahala! (Problem!).
Reflecting on this, nothing comes easy; the pain is probably the evidence of the shift – I believe I am unlearning something and learning some as I switch roles with my wife. It is not coming easy, like I have hinted. It comes with understanding the differences, challenges, and most especially the pains that come with our respective roles. If I had never worn her shoes, I wouldn’t comprehend enough what she’s relentlessly doing for the family. Dear wife, once again, I want to take a moment to thank you for all you do and for your sacrifices. You not only look after the kids, but you also look after me too. Forgive me for those days when I didn’t truly understand when you said all your body aches. I think I was nonchalant as I wasn’t wearing your shoes. A Yoruba proverb says, * ẹni tó wọ bàtà ló mọ ibi tó ti nta òun lẹ́sẹ̀* (It’s the person who puts on a shoe who knows exactly where it pinches); one can’t claim to know more about an issue than those directly affected.
One thing I learnt through the day with the kids is that, like adults, they have desires, wishes, and they crave a sense of belonging. As parents, as much as we are busy pursuing our goals, we should take time and give room for the children, including everyone in the family, to be part of our daily routine. The children particularly could miss out on very important parts of our day that they require for proper development – yes! It does not matter how long; it is about the frequency. We wanted/needed them; now they have arrived, we must take responsibility to give them the best experience we can afford. Otherwise, the world, even though those screens: TV, tablet, phones, could dish out the experience they are determined to inculcate in the next generation; this you will have little control over if you don’t take control.
As a doctoral researcher, this would mean a lot going on, especially because I live in a foreign country where we have got to learn and live according to their laws, as well as respect their culture as much as we must not lose ours. I have to take every opportunity to do what is right. I take charge of my mood for productivity reasons. Once I get a chance to work while they are taking a nap, I must do as much as I can, and this is how I was able to tick some boxes from my long list of to-dos.
Key Lessons:
- Understanding and Empathy Through Role Reversal: Reflecting on my experiences, I’ve realised the importance of understanding and empathy by stepping into my wife’s shoes. This role reversal has allowed me to appreciate the challenges and pains she endures daily. The Yoruba proverb, “ẹni tó wọ bàtà ló mọ ibi tó ti nta òun lẹ́sẹ̀” (It’s the person who puts on a shoe who knows exactly where it pinches), truly resonates with me now.
- Involvement and Frequency in Parenting: Spending time with my children has taught me that they, like adults, have desires and a need for a sense of belonging. It is crucial for parents to involve their children in daily routines frequently, ensuring they do not miss out on essential developmental experiences. The quality of time spent together is vital for their growth and wellbeing.
- Balancing Responsibilities and Productivity: Balancing my role as a stay-at-home dad and a doctoral researcher has been challenging. I have learnt the importance of seizing opportunities to be productive, such as working during the children’s nap times. Managing my mood and being effective with my time are essential to maintaining productivity while respecting both my own culture and that of the country I reside in.
These lessons have been invaluable in my journey, helping me grow in my new role and prioritise empathy, family involvement, and effective time management.
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